When it comes to bible study around the holy days, I usually love delving into different themes, connections, and the infinitely-rich meanings that we can glean from God’s word and His plan for mankind. The holy days are like a cut gemstone, with dozens of facets that reflect light differently as you examine them.
As the Passover approached this year, however, I was led in a slightly different direction. For whatever reason, I found myself meditating on Jesus’s actual experience in the hours leading up to His crucifixion. It became visceral and REAL to me in a way it hadn’t been before.
Have you ever really considered what it was like, knowing what awaited Him in terms of the torture, humiliation, pain, and abandonment? What if you knew something like that was awaiting you? Would that make it easier to bear, or harder? Personally, I think it would be much harder.
I’ve never watched “The Passion of the Christ”, Mel Gibson’s movie about Jesus’s crucifixion. Honestly, I know I don’t have the stomach for it. But after spending some time really sitting with it, I thought I’d share with you a more personal, intimate, raw consideration of Jesus’s experience in His last hours before dying for our sins.
I think we often don’t really grasp what it meant in this moment for Jesus to be a physical man. Even though we know “the Word became flesh”, we tend to focus on Him as our perfect, sin-less Savior, who could see the heart of a person and always reacted in a Godly way.
The gospel accounts are fairly dry, so it’s easy to keep an emotional remove from what we’re reading. Artistic renderings tend to show His face as serene and mournful, peaceful and accepting of His role. And while He was not only accepting but lovingly offered Himself for us, that doesn’t diminish what He actually was experiencing as a human being.
In the garden of Gethsemane, He told His closest friends how sorrowful and weighed down He was feeling, and asked them to watch with Him. But they failed Him, and later deserted Him. These men that he’d spent practically every moment with for years ran at the first sign of trouble. He was abandoned and alone.
Though a full moon illuminated the landscape, this was, for Jesus, the darkest night. As He knelt for hours and prayed to the Father, asking for courage and strength and comfort—likely marveling that this moment They had envisioned for thousands of years had finally come—He contemplated what He was about to go through. I can’t begin to imagine what was running through His mind.
Do you think He was scared? I do. Not bone-deep mental fear, because He was still connected to the Father and knew what would happen to Him and why. But the human body can’t help it. It reacts physically even when our brains try to tell it otherwise. The heart jackrabbits until it feels like it will come out of our chest. Our adrenaline floods with the “fight or flight” instinct, muddying our thoughts. Our hands tremble and our breath comes in gasps.
He fell on His face before the Father multiple times, praying fervently that if there were any other way for Their plan to be accomplished, He would not have to go through with it. When we really think about this, it’s astonishing, and gives us a tiny glimpse of how truly horrific Jesus knew the coming hours would be—if our perfect Savior would go so far as to ask if there was even a miniscule chance that there might be another way?
Luke tells us that Jesus’s prayers were full of agony and struggle, and He was pouring sweat that fell to the ground like huge drops of blood. God even sent an angel to comfort and minister to Jesus at this time, to help strengthen Him for what was to come.
We know but rarely truly comprehend that He was ENTIRELY human, as far as His body is concerned. His flesh and brain and nerve endings and bones were completely physical, just as frail as yours and mine. He bled from dozens of raw wounds. He almost certainly cried. He poured sweat, His breathing was labored. He was dizzy from being struck on the head repeatedly.
And while He knew WHY He was doing it—He had waited eternity as a spirit being and then 30+ human years in a physical body to be able to offer Himself in the place of YOU, to pay the ultimate price for MY sins—He also knew that there would be a moment when He would be completely cut off from the Father for the first time ever, and He dreaded that moment.
